it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
