She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
