Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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