i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
