omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
