all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
