If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
