Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
