The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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