Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
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Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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