i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
