I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
