Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
