Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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