I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
