she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
