So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
