I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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