I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
