I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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