I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Me too!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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