3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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