So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How does it feel to date your dad?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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