I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
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you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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