i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
