So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
