So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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