just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
