I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
