my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
