is your mom at the bar?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
