I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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