U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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