You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
