Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
