So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
