i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He felt like a one man threesome
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
