It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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