i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
