***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
