If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
