I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
