It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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