Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
