Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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