We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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