Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
