I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
