He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
