I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize