Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
