In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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