did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
