Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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