Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
