I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
