please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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