1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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