And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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