I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
