oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
