we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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