At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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