I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
