um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
