party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
